For the Love of Difficult Children

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No parent signs up for children with behavioural or emotional disabilities. Heck, if it worked that way, none of us would. But oh, what a gift would be lost to this world. Difficult children grow into strong willed adults, champions of the causes they believe in; dream chasers, peacemakers, and driven entrepreneurs. They are worth all the tears, sleepless nights, judgemental stares, and specialist appointments.  

 I was a difficult child; now I am raising one.

 I know you are exhausted, Mumma, but to your little boy, you are Wonder Woman, battling his demons and bringing calm to the chaos of his overwhelmed mind. Breathe—you've got this.  

Dad, I see you struggling with the weight of working hard, only to come home to World War III in your living room, when all you want is peace and quiet.  

To the single parent weeping in your car, after your daughter threw the mother of all tantrums in the supermarket, I think you are a rock star.

~  

These children see the world in more colours than most could dream of. Where most see a patch of weeds, my child sees only the tiny flower, desperately reaching skyward, refusing to be choked of its life.

 The same lips which spew hatred and venom in the midst of a meltdown, soon loudly proclaim me, the best mummy in the world. Those tiny arms that hit and claw at me, later wrap me in the tightest of hugs, squeezing all of the day's stresses away.

 When special needs children are in what I refer to as 'meltdown mode', they are no longer in control of their actions or words. Anger consumes all rational thought; they see only red. There is no point trying to discipline or reason. It will only exacerbate the situation. 

It is so hard watching your child struggle and suffer, feeling so powerless to make this life easier for them to assimilate into. But I will always be my son's soft place to land when the world and his mind become terrifying places for him. I am his voice; he is my heart.

It is, however, important to note that my son is medicated and has regular medication reviews with his children's psychiatrist. Additionally, he has therapy with a clinical psychologist each fortnight and sessions with an occupational therapist (OT) the alternate fortnights. I also have fortnightly parent sessions with our son's clinical psychologist. Our family could not have coped alone and I would caution other families against attempting to navigate the spectrum without professional intervention. 



Our home houses Bipolar Disorder Type 2 (BDII), Anxiety, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Level 2 Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), and Dyslexia. Its walls have borne witness to tears and laughter, meltdowns and breakthroughs, depressive episodes, and hypomania. 

Medication lessens the blows but it is not magic; storms still come and always will. We know not whether we will be dancing or crawling through the days ahead but giving up is not an option.
  
These disorders are a part of us, for better or worse, both a blessing and a curse. They enable us to feel the deepest of love and happiness imaginable and they plunge us into pits of pain and despair, requiring us to summon every ounce of courage and bravery we possess, to withstand the torment.  

 To quote Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia in Star Wars): 

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life."  

 It has long been rumoured that bipolar is linked to creative genius and this is more than evident in Carrie's impressive acting career, as well as the successful careers of others who share her diagnosis. These include Russell Brand, Robin Williams, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stephen Fry, Demi Lovato, Mariah Carey, and more.

In  the case of ADHD, Channing Tatum, Ryan Gosling, Bill Gates, Michele Rodriguez, Jim Carrey, and Paris Hilton are just the tip of the iceberg from present day. Many of the greats throughout history also exhibited symptoms of this so-called disorder, before it was named—Einstein, Mozart, Thomas Edison, Beethoven, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Abraham Lincoln are just a few. The question is, did these people succeed in spite of their disorder/s? Or because of them?  Perhaps a combination of both.

As for me, I am a devoted mother who has BDII, pursuing my own passion and dreams, after years of letting intense anxiety hold me back. I hold a Bachelor of Arts (BA), awarded With Distinction, with a double major in Criminology & Criminal Justice and Creative and Critical Writing. I am an Honours candidate and simultaneously enrolled in a Juris Doctor (JD) and am happier, more content, and more fulfilled than I have ever been.  

 Do not give up Mumma, hang in there Dad, and you little one, the precious ball of stardust, dipped in fire: you will not always be this small and it will not be this hard forever; you will move mountains some day.





Author's Note: a wonderful resource for children of parents with Bipolar Disorder is an illustrated book called The Bipolar Bear Family by Angela Ann Holloway.

Quoted from the back of the book: "The Bipolar Bear Family is a story about a young cub who struggles to understand his mother's behaviour and her subsequent diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder."
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