The Widow Wore Red

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Valentine's Day⸺the epic day of love, originating in the year 496 in memory of the Roman priest, St Valentine. Marriage had been ruled illegal but Valentine cared not. He was a champion of love and married couples regardless—a bold act which would cost him his life.

Upon learning of Valentine's disregard for the laws of his land, Emperor Claudius II sentenced him to death. He was executed on February 14th but not before he'd fallen in love with the prison guard's daughter, whom he wrote his last words to—a love letter signed, 'Your Valentine'

 And thus, the tradition of Valentine's Day came into being. What a beautiful legacy to leave behind, born of equal parts love, death, grief and courage, not unlike my own Valentine's Day tragedy.

 February 14th, 2012 was the day my boys and I buried their Angel Daddy and one of the greatest loves of my life—Chris. Little Lachlan not even yet 2 years old, Christopher Jr. barely the size of a cherry in my womb.

No parent should have to bury their child, it isn't the natural order; yet no unborn baby and toddler should have to bury their father. This is a cold, hard world we live in.

 Chris' funeral was opened with Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin—a song Chris played on the guitar with such incredible talent, it left listeners with goosebumps.

A large white coffin gleamed starkly from the front of the funeral parlour—the colour of purity—as pure as the soul of the wonderful man who lay inside. We had selected an enormous bunch of red roses to adorn the top- red just like my dress, red for the love we had shared... red for our first and last Valentine's Day together.

 Somehow I found the strength to speak, though I could not bring myself to look up from my words into the crowd, for fear of breaking down and finding myself unable to go on. Before reading out a letter I had written to Chris, I read this poem, He is Gone:

A beautiful piece of literature but oh, so very hard to live by when your heart has been shattered into a million pieces and you don't know how to even begin putting them all back together again...

 My letter: "Oh, Chris...you were so much more than just my partner—you were my killer of spiders and bugs, my cleaner-upperer of our son's vomit that I couldn't handle the smell of, my electric blanket in the winter, my rock, my oxygen supply, my soul mate.
  
Words will never be enough to describe the love I have for you or the gaping hole you have left in mine and our children's lives. One thing is certain though—if I could turn back the clock and start our relationship all over again, knowing full well that our time together would be cut so unfairly short, I would do it in a heartbeat.
  
You were, are and always will be worth all of this pain. I love you, baby. It's only goodbye for a little while. Fly with the angels until we meet again."


Chris's mother, Gayle, read his eulogy (an excerpt of which I've included below) and his Uncle Dennis shared some fond memories before reading out what Chris's father, Wayne had written in honour of his beloved son, friend, and golfing partner.  

A tearful speech from Mitch, one of Chris's best friends, yanked painfully at my heart strings: "How do you do someone as great as Chris any justice with mere words," he began.

Mitch too, wrote a letter to Chris, the end of which brought floods of tears for me: "....I was able to witness just how much being in love with Carla and being a Daddy to Lachlan transformed you into an even better man. I'm still angry and hurt that you were taken from us just as you were building such an amazing life for yourself and I'm not sure I'll ever get over that. But I will say this, you were loved, mate...loved as a son, loved as a partner, loved as a Daddy, and I loved you as a brother. I'll miss you, mate."

 Approximately 300 people were in attendance at Chris's funeral. It had to be broadcast on screens outside the building to accommodate the large crowd of lives, touched by the man I loved so much, come to mourn, pay their respects and celebrate a precious life cut so tragically short.

 As we watched the coffin being lowered into Chris's final resting place, Because you Loved Me by Celine Dion played: a final love song I had chosen for my dearly departed Valentine.  Such fitting words... 


~

I wrote to Chris daily for many months after his passing. I recently came across these journals, filled with grief stricken, emotional letters and tear stained pages. I reread them all and cried, laughed and cried some more.
  
I have chosen two to include in this post, as well as the below excerpt.



~


~


February 14th will always be extra special to me because it is a day that holds equal significance in both love and grief, and allows me to remember and celebrate the man who walked into my life at the most unexpected time, changing me forever, while proving to me that fairy tale love does exist and will always find us (even when we think the story is over). 

Happy Valentine's Day, my love. ❤



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Comments

  1. UnknownFebruary 14, 2019 at 7:55 PM

    Once again a beautiful piece of work, touches one's soul to the very core xx

    ReplyDelete

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